No Resolutions

In the spirit of the new year and new beginnings, I will do better in updating my blog this year. I suppose this ambition will be further supported with the purchase of an iPad (hopefully soon). Before I talk about all the aspirations that I have for 2022 (which really aren’t many), I must share some of the adventures I have had in the past few weeks. Not surprisingly, my favorites of said adventures revolve around food I tasted for the first time.

1. Oysters – I had never had them before November 2021, and I have since learnt that they are an acquired taste and you should never eat them without the accompanying condiments
2. Seafood Tacos – I don’t remember the name of the place otherwise, I’d highly recommend it – they serve these tacos made of seaweed and stuffed with seafood. It was one of the most sensational things I had ever had.

Besides my food experiences, I have also been doing my “regular” job, trying to get my apartment furnished (still haven’t got that record player – see context here) and still take a break here and there – Christmas break was good for that. It is however unfortunate that it takes the furniture makers here more than 6 weeks to deliver a bedroom set (fun fact, I eventually found out that the manufacturer discontinued the set I ordered and no one had the courtesy to let me know. I had to call to find out – tragic). That aside, I went to the ballet for the first time, I saw the Nutcracker – it was fascinating. I also went to a Christmas Carol Concert by the Washington Chorus – I loved it. Both shows were great but didn’t do what I hoped they would to my Christmas Spirit. What lifted my spirit, was really spending time with my newfound community of African women with whom I went to brunch, got mildly drunk on mimosas on Christmas day, and ended up having a pancake party on the 27th.

I suppose that as interesting as my Q4 2021 experiences have been, they matter little in the face of the bigger questions of what the year ahead holds so I won’t go into the details of the Olamide concert I attended on a Sunday night risking my ability to catch my early flight on Monday. If you ask me, I would say I have nothing special planned for this new year (for now). A fun beginning of the year so far however was meeting my lover’s family for the first time on New Year’s Eve. In addition to giving me verbally welcoming me with the words “On t’accepte”, my lover’s mother fed me so much I began to wonder if she was making an effort to fatten me up. I felt and still feel loved.

One thing that stands out however about the new year is this nagging in the back of my head that I am getting older and with the nagging, a fear that I must live like a responsible adult every day of my life even when I just want to roll under a blanket. I don’t think we talk about loneliness enough or the reasons why failed friendships and failed relationships in adulthood hurt so much. Or why the imposter syndrome keeps lurking and depression wakes people up every morning like the sound of a cock crowing. I don’t think we acknowledge how less recognisable our lives become with every passing year. We crave relationships but focus on professional growth because we have convinced ourselves that perhaps if we earn more, we can buy back our time – but we can’t. So the concept of passing time terrifies me and each new year reminds me of it so no, this year, I have no resolutions.

I don’t do big resolutions each year anymore because, in 2019, I found new strength in the middle of the year to build a habit that had been my new year resolution for many years before then. My tradition now is to live each day with an aspiration to be better than I was and if at the end of the year, I can see the difference between where I was and where I am, I am grateful for it and I move on. I choose this year to prioritise experiencing myself and the people I care about because it is in those moments that I find the strength to do more, be better, and love harder.

Happy New Year!