And the people in diaspora said “Amen”

Sundays are special to me because since my person and I have been doing this long-distance thing, we dedicate approximately 3 hours each Sunday for a virtual date night. It is usually a movie or a show we are following. We would use twoseven, or we would use zoom because we use the video and audio features as we watch. One Sunday, I had been encountering dramatic challenges to my administrative life – these challenges were stressing me out and by the time “date night” was over, I just wanted to be held, hugged, and told it will be okay but he was far away and he was already falling asleep through our movie so I said goodnight and tried to distract myself in search of black Friday deals. It didn’t work.

Everyone who has moved to a new country left friends and family behind in search of something that is hopefully a more fulfilling life and can attest to the difficulties that accompany being away from comfort. Not comfort as the place where you aren’t pushed to do anything that encourages growth but comfort in the place where you can unpack vulnerability. In my case, my needs are typical – I want to be hugged. They are not grand and I do not think of them as extremely needy. I just want hugs and that day, all I wanted was a hug from him or at least for him to stay up and talk to me, make me feel better about my crashing personal administration department. I was sad because I did not know what to do with the emotions, what to do in the place of aloneness. Some days are great but other days are just weird.

I suppose it just reminds me that there is only so much I can control. I think when I write, I focus on the things that draw deep emotion from me so please do not be surprised that this is not a cheerful, exciting, or insightful piece. In my mind, I am certain that someone who lives away from close family certainly feels this way somewhere as well and says to themselves it will get better, and truly, in my case, I just need someone to tell me how to make it better.